my 300 dollar cup of coffee

…tasted just like any other cup of coffee. On any other day. Yet it felt both far more stressful and more peaceful than any other.

How can that be?

I pulled into the parking lot and my car gave a kiss to the car in front of me.

Have you ever been on a train or bus, when it hits a bump, or comes to a quick stop, or sudden, lurching start? And you gently bump into the person next to you. With a little blush and half-smile, you look at that person and mutter something like, “oops. Sorry.” And you go on with your day.

Well, that’s what my car did today as I steered it into the coffee shop parking lot. But the woman sitting in the car in front of me, wasn’t so quick to forgive my car’s blunder.

When I saw the crack in her hard plastic bumper (what are they thinking anyway? Isn’t the whole idea of a “bumper” that you should be able to gently bump it like that, and it’ll rebound???) Anyway, I bumped it and cracked the hard plastic.

As I exercised my right as a female and called all the important men in my life: husband, father, old boyfriend who has bought, built and sold multiple car-related businesses – none of whom was available. Only then did I rest on my own savvy, wisdom and negotiating skills. I wrote her a $300 personal check and off she went.

Here's the deal: when you own a business and/or are responsible for sales in your company, time is money. I simply didn't have time to figure out if $300 was a good deal or a bad deal. God bless here, anyway: I offered $250, she said $300 and I said, "Fine."

Off to more important things...

next time you pray...ask for email to be down...

There I was...mid-week...working hard, in the thick of activity...when all of a sudden...

Like a black hole of technology...my email was down. Did you hear me?!?! My email was down!!!

Like Apollo 13, on the other side of the moon -- I had no communication to the outside world.

[Sshshhhsshh...don't tell anyone...it was wonderful...]

For about 28 hours, with the exception of a few treasured clients whom I was really needing to connect with -- I was none the worse for the wear. In fact, I enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Now, as a practice management coach and consultant who thinks she should know better, there I was, many times, caught stunned by the lack of bling-a-blings and darkly fonted new emails, begging me to be distracted from the all important tasks of servicing my clients and marketing to attract more.

"What will I do with myself," from this silent place?

Ah, it was peaceful. No interruptions. No distractions. No annoying to-do's to take me off course.

And, so, I was reminded of one of the fundamental, and easy-to-abuse, practice management principles: don't allow interruptions to waylay your productivity.

Start the task. Finish the task.

It's just that simple.

Perhaps I'll just not even go into Outlook tomorrow. Let's see what that does to my productivity!!

Try it: "You've NOT got mail!!!"

sometimes brilliance comes in small packages

Riding in the car last night with my 9 year old daughter, when she says (oh, so brilliantly)...

"Mom. It's easy. People will buy more when it costs less. Just make it closer to free, and people will give you even more money to buy more! 'Like...cotton candy!!! If it cost 50 cents, oh my gosh, then everybody would buy it!!!"

Brilliant.

Anybody looking to hire a Director of Marketing? Where should we mail her resume?

the enemy within -- it's quite popular!

Knowing how much I believe in the power of resistance and how it prevents our growth and success, a dear friend recommended the book The Enemy Within -- Conquering the Dark Side by Mark L. Prophet and Elizabeth Claire Prophet.

So, as I often do, I went to Amazon and entered "The Enemy Within" as a book name to do a search on.

No kidding: the first page returned 1-12 books with that name, out of 29,949 results!!!

Good Lord, you don't need me to interpret the meaning of that, right?

It's pandemic: we all have dark sides within that torture us and hold us back. Have you ever stopped to look at how detrimental your own resistance is? Have you ever noticed how much energy you expend denying acknowledgement of that "dark side"???

In the work I do with clients, this is a univeral theme, with powerful results.

This is such a huge topic, I can really only briefly touch the surface in this tiny space provided by a blog. Here's the bottom line:

Stop resisting that enemy. Consider the wisdom on the threshhold of your mind. Notice what happens when you open yourself to heretofore considered "negative" emotions. Just pause a moment. Observe. And see what nuggets are there.

This is very powerful, if you'll allow yourself to see it.

For many of my clients, they resist success (yes, success), because they don't want to "make other people feel bad." Or they don't want to "appear cocky." Or they don't want to "be selfish." Just sit with those concepts for a little while. There's both wisdom and "ridiculousness" in that perspective.

For other clients, they resist feeling rejection or being hurt -- and they never take risks or "ask for the order." (Which, of course, means they never get the order either!)

Fascinating.

And Amazon evidently has some 29 thousand products that reference this topic. ...Lest you think I'm the only one encountering this...

So, what are you resisting???

feast or famine -- who and HOW are you?

It's a simple, common reality.

When we are in the midst of a feast (of revenue and new business), we are so busy doing things. We are so busy processing business. We are so busy servicing clients. We are even so busy "cashing checks at the bank" (which should be a good thing)...

...we are so busy managing the feast, that we forget to be grateful.

We miss out on the mindfulness and appreciation of how awesome things are. All that work to get the feast, and we miss out on the wonderfulness.

And then, when things slow down enough to have time to appreciate -- what do we do? We bemoan and feel down about the famine. We wish it were busier. We wish business was better.

Don't we?

It's human nature!!

Our authentic and alive, wiser selves, however, call us to be grateful in both places -- feast or famine. They both have sweetness to them.

Ask yourself: Am I remembering to be grateful for what's here, right now? Am I actively enjoying the journey? Or am I just waiting to be happy when _________ (you fill in the blank)? Am I telling myself I'll breathe when I land the next big sale? Am I convinced it'll be better when healthier cashflow returns?

It's easy for the waiting pattern to become a habitual way of life.

Hit the big giant Pause Button of Life -- and take a look around. We all have much, so much, to be grateful for.

What are YOU grateful for?

Start looking and I predict you'll either enhance your enjoyment of your current feast, or you'll realize what you thought was a famine, actually is full of "feast-ness" after all. You just needed to look around to see it!!

Enjoy.

it's all in your perspective

The majority of the clients I coach are not in my home area of Minneapolis/St. Paul.

Not only are they all around the country, but many times -- even after years of coaching -- I've never met a client in person.

It's a fascinating experience to know someone so well, yet never see the whites of their eyes. Initially, you may think, "How could you possibly coach someone when you can't see their non-verbal or really know who they are?!"

The reality is, there is plenty of non-verbal that can be "read" over the phone. Even body movements can be "read." The tone of voice, the breath, the timing of speech (think about what impact it has when someone is silent, or someone interrupts...)

Yesterday, I was working with a very bright and successful client -- who is extraordinarily witty and sharp -- when I asked him if he could send me a photo of a recent marketing piece he ordered.

He sent that photo to me. And then he also attached a photo and said, "In case you've ever wondered what I look like, I've also attached self image photo that I took on a golf course recently."

I asked his permission to share that photo with you.

Funny, right?

That's all for today, no huge nuggets of wisdom...just a little humor for your Friday morning.

feeling drained? check your version!

Last week I had the genuine pleasure of being part of a conference for a group of Ameriprise Financial advisors. After four hours of sleep, I gave a presentation on The Power of Authenticity.
I was one of six presenters, firing information at a group of advisors, one presenter after another, with no breaks.

After lunch and a couple more presentations, we went golfing -- it was a mid-80's, high humidity, sunny afternoon. Ever the serving speaker, I fulfilled my client's offer (request, really) that I have a couple beers as we golfed. (Sarcasm intended.)

Then we rushed back to the conference facility. Had dinner. Rushed off for a quick shower. Back for more drinks. Had fascinating and fun fireside conversations (debating the merits of Kathy Bates and Johnny Depp).

When I found myself at 12:30 a.m., nearly 24 hours after I first woke up -- fully energized. I did NOT want to go to bed.

Why?

Because I'm a flaming extravert!!

What could be more energizing than being around people ALL...DAY...LONG?!?!

...unless, of course, you're an introvert.

How and where do you get your energy?

In a nutshell, each of us has a general preference for gaining energy: either from ouside ourselves in the external world of people, activities, and things. Or from one's inner world of ideas, emotions, and impressions.*

If your work (and indeed your life) is draining you and/or is less productive than you'd like, you may need to look no further than to the source of your energy.

It just may be that simple.

Back to the story...

So, what did I do that night after being up nearly 24 hours? I went to bed, of course. And woke up six hours later -- fully energized and ready for another full day of people, activities and things.

Ah...the life of a flaming extravert. It's all good...

*Life Types, Sandra Hirsh & Jean Kummerow, NY, NY: Warner Books, Inc., 1989

have you ever tried to sort your books?

It's been at least five years. And there they all are on multiple bookshelves in our house. Just teasing me to categorize them.

They torture and taunt me to try to sort them in a way that makes it easy to grab that one book I'm looking for, to share with someone, or reference something, real quickly.

And each time I can't find one, I vow that this will be the week I'll get them all sorted away.

It happened again this morning. I wanted a book to reference something about the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. It took a few minutes, but in the end, I found one book on my personal shelf, and one on my business shelf. When the challenge occurred to me:

What, exactly, is the line of distinction between "personal" and "business"???

I've always approached coaching from a Whole Life perspective, believing, as Harv Ecker says(Secrets of the Millionaire Mind): the way you do anything is the way you do everything.

We are not part family, part work, part physical, part spiritual, part financial, etc. Rather, we are all of those simultaneously. We are always a spouse/life partner, child, parent, sibling, cousin -- it doesn't matter that we're at the office at the time. And we are always business owner, sales person, executive -- it doesn't matter if we're at our niece's birthday party at the time.

Now, let me be clear: I'm not a proponent of think about work all the time...there IS a time for work and a time for play.

Or am I?

I'm as big of a fan of Dan Sullivan's Free, Focus, Buffer as the next person. But the litmus test differentiating between productive thoughts and destructive obsession is the impact on your energy.

One example is from a recent blog post where I told you about my 5 yr old son selling gold rocks on a Sunday. I was completely energized by the recognition that he was authentically selling and it provided a rich parallel to Forte's business. My vote: productive thought.

On the other hand, when, on a Saturday night, I think about all the work to be done to produce our next series of public seminars -- and it drains me, now we've crossed over into destructive obsession.

I've often heard about the challenge of "how to turn it (work thoughts) off" -- and I'd love to hear thoughts from those who read this...it's a challenge that faces all of us.

My litmus test is "impact on energy" -- does it energize me, or drain me.

What's yours?

Oh yah, back to the books: they're still there. They're still not fully sorted. They're still in two different places: loosely sorted personal and business. For now, that gives me energy, reminding me that we are all whole beings, made up of many different parts.

To us! ...all of us!!

you can't do THAT in new york city, can you?

Sometimes profound messages come in simple packages (and short blog posts)...

My setup is complete at my outdoor table for one at Panera Cafe: nutritious soup, milk (we need it for our bones, Girls), Harry Connick, Jr. on MP3 (who says you can't mix romance and work), laptop, notebook and papers all here for my processing and perusal...

But no spoon. [It's tough to eat soup with a fork and knife.]

So I say to the two women at the table by me, "Mug anyone if they try to take my purse or laptop, ok?" They smile and say, "You got it."

And off I go -- inside to find a spoon.

Upon return, I say, "You can't do that in New York City, can you?" To which they smile and say, "No, you can't!"

Did you see the message? Did you get the lesson?

Sometimes I want to live in a home in a rural area where I can get twice the property and twice the land for half the cost.

And sometimes I want to live in NYC, where the urban energy is unlike anywhere else.

And then on a gorgeous, blue sky, 72 degree night in a suburb of Minneapolis, I realize I've got it pretty good right where I am.

And there's the lesson: gratitude. Nothing more. Nothing less.

gold rocks for $10.25!

There he was...our toe-headed, 5-year old handsome son. And we thought his big sister, with her outgoing personality, was going to be the sales person.

Perhaps we were wrong.

Everything you need to learn about authentic and effective sellling you can learn from this 5-year-old boy.

But before you dismiss the possibility of gaining wisdom from such a pint-size leader, listen up, 'cuz he has some great pointers to share. Here's how he did it...

With all the conviction, energy and confidence of a person new in business and on fire to bring their product to the world-at-large -- he grabs his pint-size folding chair and a TV tray and sets up his "booth" on the front-lawn. It doesn't matter that there's construction on our street, and it's completely stripped down to the dirt, with "Road Closed" signs on either end. He's got "gold rocks for sale for $10.25!"

Those of us in business for at least five years could be reminded of that energy comes from young, "newbie" enthusiasm. It didn't matter he hadn't had lunch yet. It didn't matter it was 85 degrees and he was still wearing pants from church. He was going to sell "gold rocks for $10.25" for goodness sake!

No one drove by. (Remember: the street is completely ripped up. Virtually unpassable.)

That didn't matter. He still had his conviction and his rocks!

We encouraged him to consider a different street. Nope. He was going to do it in front of his own house, thank you very much.

We encouraged him to make a sign, so his "patrons" would know exactly what he was selling and for how much.

Fortunately for him (and us!) he was open to feedback. He listened. And after a bit of reflection, he "hired" his 9-yr-old big sister to design a sign marketing his product.

She happily complied with his request. Ever the customer service focused graphic artist that she is.

We encouraged him to consider what people would be willing to pay for one of his gold rocks. Perhaps $10.25 was a bit steep, more than the market would bear. [Keep in mind these were truly rocks, which had been spray-painted gold by his pre-school teacher, who then gave them out on St. Patrick's Day last year.]

He maintained his conviction: $10.25 was the price for a gold rock.

My husband, Doug, offered him 50 cents for one. Nope: "$10.25, Dad. Take it or leave it."

Doug and I, both veteran sales people with bruises and scars to prove it, continued to provide sales training to our little soon-to-be-kindergartener.

Again, he took the feedback and modified his plan.

Whew! He revised his signage and offered the rocks for 75 cents and he threw in a cookie and a cup of koolaid to sweeten the deal.

We bought some.

Next we did a little behind the scenes cold-calling on his behalf, and the neighbors started coming out. By that time, he was also offering freshly popped, buttered popcorn in paper bags for 50 cents. Or you could get the rock, a cookie, some kool-aid and the popcorn, all for a dollar!!

He ended up making over seven dollars in about 30 minutes' time. That's 14 bucks an hour, or about $28K a year, tax free. Not bad, Little Guy, keep it up and Mom and Dad may soon be knocking at your door looking for a job!!

----------

In summary, here's what Graham, the 5-yr-old gold-rock selling superstar did:

1. He authentically declared his value proposition.
2. He went out looking for his target market.
3. He marketed (in this case including advertising and cold calling (but don't ever tell him we did that)).
4. He listened to his prospects and future clients and adjusted to their wishes and feedback.
5. He stayed the course, ever demonstrating tenacity and focus.
6. He maintained energy and enthusiasm (you should've seen him persuade people to buy these fabulous rocks). And when the energy waned, he stopped! No workaholism for this little sales guy.
7. And he asked for the order.

Next week I expect him to ask us for referrals and introductions. Stay tuned.

it's a beautiful day

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
What a beautiful day

Music fans will quickly recognize these as some of the lyrics of U2's Beautiful Day. I have it on my MP3 (nope, there's someone out there who still hasn't taken the leap to the Ipod world...my MP3 does the trick just fine...) -- anyway, it's on my MP3 and comes up often when I'm out for a bike ride.

Every time I hear it I try to listen to each word and be reminded to stay in the perspective of profound gratitude.

Those who know me well have, no doubt, heard me say, "We all live like kings and queens." By "all" -- I mean my friends, colleagues, clients, prospects, partners and greater community which surrounds me. We do.

I don't personally know anyone who has starved to death or suffered from malnutrition.

I don't know anyone who couldn't feed their children or bring them to the doctor for what ails them.

I don't know anyone who has had to spend a single night of their lives on a cardboard box, with no other choice of where to sleep. (Some crazy people I know actually choose to sleep on the hard ground outside, after carrying a canoe and tent and gear to get there. Suffering attack of biting, blood sucking birds we call mosquitoes. But we all know those people are crazy!)

So, yes, Bono. You are correct: it's a beautiful day. And I'm deeply grateful for it.

just don't do it!

As a twist on Nike's infamous slogan, we all as business owners, sales people, and consciously-living human beings, need to practice the mantra of Just Don't Do It!

We are bombarded on a daily basis -- and with email and social networks (FaceBook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc.), it's even more frequent than that -- with an overload of demand for our attention.

So try it for a day, Just Don't Do It. For one complete 24 hour period, make the commitment to yourself to not open the emails that are solicitations for your time and money and attention. Don't read the magazine or other advertising solicitation. Don't even turn on the radio in the car! Try for a little silence for a change and see what impact it has on you. See what your mind, body and soul are capable of when no one's barking at your brain!

...you just might like it...and come back for more...

what a rip-off

Sometimes we really rip off our friends and miss out on opportunities to deepen our friendships.

How?

By not being willing to be open. To be vulnerable. To ask for help. With the best of big-hearted, benign intentions, we shut our friends out and don't fully allow them in. What a rip-off.

Last night I got a text from a dear, dear friend at 9:30. She was hurting and wanted to talk. I didn't see the message until 10:30 and was afraid I'd missed my chance. When I texted her back, she responded that she was still up and would love to talk.

We did just that, for only 30 minutes. 30 intimate, meaninful minutes.

I went to bed feeling so valued and loved in that relationship. And I was grateful she reached out and trusted me and gave me the chance to be there for her. I went to bed much richer last night -- in ways far more valuable than money.

So, which type of friend are you? The one who rips off their friends by holding back, and "not wanting to burden people," or the type that gives by authentically coming to the relationship and allowing themselves to be vulnerable and receive when we need it.

I know which type of friend is most valuable to me.

sometimes it feel good to let go of the reigns

It was a simple thing: at 4:30 on Saturday afternoon my husband said, "Let's take the kids and go to a pitch & putt golf course."

I didn't want to go.

I saw his eagerness to go.

So we went.

Lo and behold, we all had a great time! Our 9 year old daughter kept asking each of us how many strokes we had so far, and she quickly learned how to track how many strokes until you're "on" (the green). So she kept checking as it came time to putt, "You got in in how many?" Or, simply, "How many is that for you, Mom?" [We're already convinced she's going to be a sales person...quite a competitive edge, this one has.]

All this, while our 5 year old son screamed at the lack of order and non-rule-following when we tried to skip hole 7, for sake of time. We didn't say anything, we just turned slightly in the course to hold 8 and he started to cry as he screamed, "No, no!! 8 doesn't come after 6!! We're supposed to go THAT way!!" [We're already convinced he's going to be COO or CEO of a large corporation. It's all about organization and systems for that kid.]

For me, it just felt good to let go and let someone else plan and organize. I got to follow. Didn't have to think about CBA, profit margin, business plans, client service or anything else.

Ahh...the simple pleasures in life.

flawed coach over here

Here's what's humbling about the coaching world...

People come to us wanting help in some area of their business (which often also extends into other areas of their lives). And that's why we're here, so they're in the right place.

...but sometimes what they're looking for help with, we (ok, let's be honest and change that to "I", cuz this is a personal experience for me)...so...I am coaching them authentically. Helping them work through to the other side of what it is they need help with. And it's a good thing this takes place over the phone, because there my tail is, firmly hiding between my legs. (Try to ignore the fact that this is a cliche' and, of course, there is no tail [or is there, and this is reeeally weird?!?!].) >>grin<<

I guess I just want to declare a humble moment, as it took me an hour to get out of bed after I awoke. Now, I need some coaching on how to not beat myself up. How to acknowledge I made a choice and it's done. And which options to consider going forward and exactly what I will choose.

There, already feeling better.

Thanks for listening.

I know better...

Shocking news!! I just found out sugar and fat make you gain weight. Smoking is bad for you. And working too much can cause stress. Can you believe it?!

Yes, we can. We ALL know these things.

Then why don’t we do something about it? Why do so many of us still eat too much? Smoke too much. Work too much when we all know it’s bad for us?

Because there’s something inside that’s preventing the change. Am I alone here?!

Of course I’m not.

The same is true in your business: You KNOW you’re supposed to delegate technical work to one of your employees. You KNOW you’re supposed to work ON your business, not be consumed IN it. You KNOW you’re supposed to have systems in place to streamline the work flow in your business, and better leverage your time as a business owner.

Yet you don’t. Plain and simple.

You’re not alone either. In fact, from Tiger Woods to Donald Trump…from Mother Teresa to George Bush…they, you, and I all struggle with getting out of our own way. Sometimes it just takes a friend, confidant or coach to point out our challenges with time management.

So the question is: who’s going to help you do what you know you need to do? Who’s your Sherpa, on the mountain of life?

We all need one.

I'm jumpin' into the blog-pool!!

Like the 3-year-old child who kicks, screams, fights and resists going in for her haircut -- convinced the pain will be beyond tolerance when her golden locks are cut...I resisted blogging.

This week I was told by several people I need to do it. Several professionals whom I respect.

Could they all be wrong?

Is there something valuable to this "professional journaling"? Can I really write? Will people want to read it? Will they understand me? Will they throw rotten tomatoes at me and dunk me in the water?!

Maybe. But I'm doin' it anyway, dang it.

Here's what I know: the work I do is valuable. Clients tell me it's changed their lives. They say they could never have achieved the growth and experienced the progress they have in their businesses without me. All genuine modesty and deferral to all the work they did for themselves aside, I believe it's true. How could I not believe that? It's what I do!!

So, if it's true -- I guess there just might be value in having them see/hear/read the musings inside my head.

Come on in! The door's wide open. But be careful what you ask for -- there's some nuttiness in here, speckled with moments of brilliance, if I may say so.

You be the judge...today's the day of nuttiness, though. Brilliance comes later!